Fucking Pregnow (this post will contain huge amounts of swearing...)

Woke up Friday morning to that familiar slight staining and cramping which tells me that its now time to start looking for far more reliable means of contraceptive.

So just for fun and knowing that I would never get to use them again in real life I did a preg test that I had found in a packing box from when I found out about Madam. Needless to say I was a tinsy bit alarmed when I saw a line. Holy shit, this isnt a period this is implantation bleeding. Tinsy bit alarm rapidly excalated to full blown, mind numbing, paralysing sheer panic. Fuck, fuck, fuck - four kids, I didnt even really, really want 3 kids, but 4, no, no, no, NO!!!!!

Hang on, lets look at this logically, FF has never failed me before. OK if I ovulated around the time we last did the deed then I'd be 11dpo - line should be darker. Shit, fuck, shit, crap another miscarriage. But hang on, twice we have conceived with a 4 day cut off, maybe I'm only 8 or 9 dpo line is faint enough for that. But then why the bleeding.

Shit, shit, shit, fuck, shit!!!!!!! Why do these things always happen when the Biggest Feral is away, why, why me *insert pitiful wailing which goes on for a bit, quite uninteresting and awfully repetitive*.

OK, calm down, act rational deep breath. Sleep on it check things out in the morning. At this juncture I would just like to note that the spotting I'd been getting was not getting any worse so immediate assumption implantation bleeding.

4am, fed Madam and given that I could sleep I decided to try another test. Still ambiguous but bleeding definitely not getting any stronger. Pregnancy is looking particularly likely. Oh shit this is making me feel ill. Oh shit, its definite then, I have morning sickness already. Shit, shit, shit. How could we let this happen, how could we be so god damn stupid. We'll need a new car, kids will have to share rooms, damn cramps, I feel like shit. God these cramps are awful, did I have cramping like this with the other, shit I cant remember. My mind has gone blank, oh crap, pregnancy brain is setting in.

Throughout today, its become obvious that "AF" is back and even I can see that "the lines" are evap lines. But dear god, talk about scary the living shit out of me. Never was pregnant, never will be again. No more miscarriages, no more pregnancy, and never, ever, ever again, never will I POAS. And never, ever, ever will I ever, ever again trust a fucking PREGNOW!!!! Lesson learnt. Bring on 5 Nov when Mirena gets inserted.

And just for interests sakes here are the offending tests... did I have a reason to drop my bundle or am I just going senile, you be the judge.

So proud of my Little Feral

The little Feral has certainly come a long way in the past year but most especially in the last few months. So you can imagine how heartwarming it is to get things like this from him.


He's had a go at writing his name and the person is definitely a discernable person as opposed to just having a scribble. It amazing how much he has learnt and how confident he has become this year. I put it down to having an awesome kindy teacher, I just want to kidnap her and make her teach Feral for the rest of his schooling life she's just that wonderful!!!

Today he had OT with BW (who for the rest of this blog shall be known as BWOT). She's very happy with his progress. Still wants to focus on his auditory memory but his visual memory is superb (he beats the Big Feral and I at memory on a regular basis). He is confident to attempt tasks now which was something he was lacking at one stage.

So all in all I'm thrill with his progress. Hopefully next year with good guidence and support from school he will continue to blossom.

The Tenth Cirle of Hell???

Dante bought to the world the Nine Circles of Hell. However Dante, being male and living in the 14th century was unable to comment on the Tenth Circle of Hell - Motherhood involving 3 Children and a Photographer. If I thought the other week was bad, well was I in for a shock today.

Firstly, like many of the levels in Dantes Epic, this has a number of sub-layers. The first sub-layer involves getting out of the house on time, a relatively simple task for most but one which still seems to escape me. The hellish part is the fact that I hate, hate, hate being late for things, it makes me feel terrible and guilty. The thing is I was really quite organised this morning and I still left 15 minutes later than I wanted too.

The next ditch in this layer involves traffic. Why is it when you are already running late, everyone else is too? Or does it just seem that way because you are running late? Thats a question for Dante to ponder on while we move onto the next place which is of course...

The dreaded looking for a parking spot. Last time I got through this particular minefield pretty easily. It was so not to be this time round. It makes me wonder why businesses like this choose trendy, inner city places which are impossible to park in. It doesnt make the experience any nicer for the client and if that client happens to be me it simply adds to my frustration and general pissed off attitude.

Now those ditches are pretty tame in comparison to the next lot. The next 3 layers are for the ultimate evil doers.

The first is the actual photo shoot itself. At this point relatively normal, generally ok-ish kids will turn into horrible little devils whose heads spin whilst uttering every sort of profanity known to Motherhood (ie the word NO). Smiles will be non-existant, tempers will be thrown, generalise chaos will reign supreme. You get the idea.

The next level, even more sinister is "the viewing". See above for general outline of behaviour, just a different room with less toys LOL.

And finally the ultimate pit, the darkest well of dispair - THE BILL!!!!!!!

Of course assuming that you manage to negotiate your way through this, you are blessed with beautiful children with perfect manners who calmly and nicely say goodbye to the photographer and all is once again well with the world. WTF!!!!! Why do they put on the nice act once its time to go, why, why, why does that always happen?

Of course in conclusion it could probably be noted that Dante called his epic The Divine Comedy... isnt that what motherhood is all about. Maybe I should give Dante more credit.

Photo session take 2

Hi Clag

We'll be heading off for photos shortly. This is a take 2 due to the fact that the first photo shoot was an absolute debarcle. Picture this (no pun intended)... 1 right little "I'll smile for no one" Madam, 1 little feral putting on his very, very best terrible two performance and 1 big feral doing his well they are so I will too act. All in all not particularly condusive to gorgeous, long lasting memories, more like hair-tearing, tear inducing nightmares.

So we shall see what today brings, I live in eternal optimisim that all will be well.

Scarred for life maybe

Gee I must have been horrifically scarred by the whole "lost house" debarcle, I havent come here to visit in over 18 months. Much has changed since then Clag because while "lost house" was nice OUR NEW HOUSE is a million times better. Yes you read that correctly Clag - OUR NEW HOUSE ie the house we currently reside in, the house which currently sucks us dry (LOL) and the house where our two ferals and darling little madam play and scream and fight and....

...oh didnt you know that either... yes my ultimate dream has come true, I have a darling baby girl and she is absolutely gorgeous. Born end of May 2007, Little Madam is quite delightful.

Well I'm glad we've had this little catchup Clag. And honestly I will definitely try and do better. You know me dont you old matey (yeah only too well I'm sure).

I was right

Yep, they went for another offer.

Absolutely gutted.

When will he learn to keep his mouth shut

Well I've finally got some house news to share with you Clag. The real estate agent rang last night and you'll never believe it - they accepted our offer. Jaw dropping moment we honestly thought it would never happen. So she said she'd pop around because I had to initial a couple of changes made to the offer. No problem.

When she got here, Chief Feral had a look at the offer and it dawned on him - he gave me the wrong amount to be financed. He gave me the amount after we sell our home not the amount we need before that (we are getting a bridging loan so we are not subject to sale). So of course that needed to be changed and it needed to go back to the owners for them to check and accept.

Then Chief Feral opened his f-ing mouth and said if we cant get the finance we have cash to make up the difference. THE IDIOT. Why on earth did he say that. These owners have had enough trouble accepting a finance offer and you go and put doubt into the mind of the real estate agent. Well done!!! This is the second time he's opened his mouth and lost us a house.

So we are back to waiting for an answer but I'm totally confident that after this stuff up we have no chance at all. But hey it was a nice feeling to think we had it for 15 minutes. So now I just want to go out and eat half a dozen blocks of chocolate and I cant even do that.

You'll be proud of me though. Even though I've had a pretty off week as far as the diet is concerned I still managed to lose 1.5kg in a week. So thats 5.5 all up so far. If I can lose another 1.5kg this week I'll be 70kg. Isnt that fabulous!!!

Carla

PS - I'll pop in later and let you know how the house goes.

What have I done????

Hey Claggie old boy,

You'll have to forgive any typos I happen to make because my hands are shaking uncontrollably. I have just signed the offer documents on a house that the Chief Feral hasnt even seen yet!!!! OK I will admit that we have discussed the situation very much in depth over the past two days but holey moley. My stomach is doing loop-the-loops right now.

OK so offer has been drawn up but there are 3 other couples who are tabling offers today. Now tell me honestly Claggie, its fair to say that if 7 people have been through the house and love it enough to place offers the next day then it must good yeah??? Thats my theory anyway.

Now I just have to live through the next 6 or so hours before we find out. Luckily the real estate agent has decided to make this a closed bid situation ie the top offer tonight gets the booty, out of 4 offers the owners arent going to do too badly anyway. Half of me wants this to be the one and half of me wants the offer to be rejected because Chief Feral hasnt seen it. What a truly horrible situation to be in.

So thats the latest goss.

Now onto more important things...

You'd be very pleased to know that I've lost 4kgs so far mate. Not bad hey. Yesterday I had a pretty bad day food wise but I'm back on track again today. Speaking of which I better go and get some lunch.

Seeya later, gator.

Carla

Ready to pack it in

Oh Clag I feel like crying. I feel like throwing things across the room with all my strength, I simply feel like packing it all in and calling it a day. Why do the ferals have to be so horrible when I have to do everything on my own. Chief Feral left again this morning and wont be back til Friday night and I've had enough already I'm quite simply at the end of my tether. Baby Feral is screaming in his cot and Little Feral was put to bed.

I just dont understand it. I do so many nice things with Little Feral and he constantly misbehaves or grizzles or whinges. He's such a brat and I wonder what I'm doing wrong constantly. Quite obviously I'm a bad mother, I mean I know all kids whinge and grizzle but they dont do it ALL the time, so it must be something I'm doing.

I'm just so tired of it, its worn me down and I just find I cant deal with it anymore.

Anyway, I'm pleased to say that despite everything I've managed to remain on the eating plan and I'm definitely losing so at least that is something. In fact I better go get dinner soon, the hunger pangs are starting to bite.

Clag, what the hell am I going to do when Chief goes to Ghana for 4 weeks? I think I'll go insane.

Carla

Whoops, overdid a bit

Hi Clag

Well its a bit warm here today (finally). This morning I took the two ferals for a walk and it wasnt until we had got going that I realised how hot it was. So by the time I got home I was dizzy, feeling somewhat sick and felt like fainting, not to mention the fact that I was dripping in sweat. That'll teach me, yet another example of exercise being bad for your health LOL.

While we were up the shops I got Baby Feral weighed and measured. He's now 62cm long and 7kgs heavy ie he a pork chop. He's gone from the 50th percentile to the 90th percentile in 6 weeks. Much longer and heavier than Little Feral was at the same time.

OK confession time. I confess that I didnt eat my pepita's last night. I was up playing on the computer for ages and didnt go to bed til 11pm. Silly, silly girl I hear you say, and you are right. The diet is strict and I need to look after myself better to make it easier to stick too.

Otherwise not much else to report. Wore my new dress today. I'm certain it feel a little less snugger than it did yesterday when I bought it. Maybe its my imagination though. Might have to buy a necklace to go with it as my first reward.

Carla

Fit to Strip

Hiya Clag

OK you can have a bit of a giggle. I've rented Carmen Electra's Fit to Strip Volume One from the video library and I'm sitting here in shorts and top about to have a go. See I said you could have a laugh.

Assuming that I enjoy it, I'm going to buy the whole series.

Happy stripping

Carla

The sounds of sleep

Morning Clag

Imagine this, 4.30am, dawn chorus just starting (could there be a more sweeter sound to wake up too) and blissful silence dwelling over the entire household.

Hang on, how can that be, I have two Ferals, one of which wakes up at 3.30am in order to be fed. What the hell is going on. Yep you know me, mad dash crib-side, heart in my throat, only to be greeted by the most angelic sight on earth - a peaceful sleeping face surrounded by a halo of blonde curls. Awwwwww, there is nothing more special than standing there drinking in the loveliness.

So as you can see at least one Feral is still alive despite Chief Feral being AWOL at the moment (let me just check Little Feral, phew LF is A-OK too). So there we go, both Ferals survived the night with just Mummy Feral. Arent you proud of me. Only Thursday night and Friday night to go.

Also I'm pleased to bring you my latest confession. I confess to having been a good possum, eating correctly, drinking all my water and generally trying very, very hard. I hope you're happy with me Clag.

Well I might head off and begin my day, have a nice day Clag, I might talk to you later.

PS Sorry about losing my temper with you, I thought you had eaten my post.

You've eaten my post you bastard

Hey Clag, whats the deal buddy WHERE'S MY LAST ENTRY!!!!!!!

I'm back

G'day Clag

I'm back, dont you feel special I actually came back to see you.

First of all Clag, its been 24 hours since my last confession and I'm pleased to confess that I've actually been good. I stuck to my diet all day yesterday to the point where I stuck a corn kernel in my mouth and then spat it back out thinking what would Claggie say if he saw me eat that. I also drank all my water like a good girl and I also took the Feral kids for a walk. OK you can now die of shock, I almost did.

Ultimate test tonight however - Chief Feral will not be coming home. He's working away until Saturday afternoon (we currently being at Wednesday at this very moment) and thus I'm left with Little Feral and Baby Feral on my lonesome until then. Do not be surprised if by Saturday morning I'm confessing to being a raving drunk after having consumed an entire bottle of Baileys (that being about the strongest substance on offer at the moment - note to self, when Chief Feral goes overseas next put in duty free order for strongest substances).

See ya tomorrow Clag

Love Carla

Pass the Clag

OK Blog, you are now officially in charge of changing my life. No screwing around with this mate, my life, my future happiness and the happiness of my family is now in your hands. No pressure or anything. So to that end you must have a name...

CLAG... that mushy paste much loved by school kids everywhere. We need to stick to this.

And thus with no further ado let us begin.

Dear Clag,

Well mate its been 12 months since my last confession and I must confess not much has change. Well other than the fact that the family has increased by one. I've started this year the same weight that I started the last year, 77kgs but you are not to tell anyone OK. Another thing that hasnt changed in the last 12 months - we are still in the same house, but we are dilligently working to rectify that little problem.

So Clag, I hope you wont find my ramblings too boring, well stiff cheddar if you do really you dont have a lot of choice in the matter. I hope to see you bright and early tomorrow with yet another installment of my facinating life (who am I trying to kid).

Love Carla

How can I make these wishes reality???

OK, so last year didnt really happen quite like I'd planned but I didnt really have anything set in place to achieve what I wanted. So maybe I need to break my ideas down into a more workable plan, or in reality just a plan fullstop.

ME PLANS

Get off bum, get off computer, get off chair, and get moving!!! Keep track of accomplishments, reward goals and use charts as a visible reminder of progress.

Using Sureslim diet and weekly meal planning to use as a shopping list. Resisting impluse "bad" buys (which of course will be made easier by having a dedicated shopping list). Showing some willpower for a change - no I do not need that chocolate bar. Getting my family on side. Rewarding little goals. Have something visible to show progress - a chart on the fridge maybe. Removing temptation items from the house.

Using 3 x 700ml bottles per day. Cold water in the fridge at all times. Multiple water bottles at work and at home.

Start by doing basic face, teeth, hair, shower in the morning (get up a bit earlier). Find a face care range that works for me. Get nail biting habit under control.

FAMILY/OTHER PLANS

Start FlyLady again with basic morning and evening routines - remember baby steps.

Budget has been set out in excel and just needs to be followed. Less going to the shops for impluse buys.

Cheap arts and craft projects, set up a "useful box" full of bits and pieces. Zoo trips. More outings with other mums. Check out playcentre in Warwick. Go for bike rides.

There are unfinished projects all over the house. Pick one and spend just 15 minutes on it everyday until it is finished.

OK, so they are basic plans. Now the hard part, sticking to it all...

2005 - The year of accomplishment???

What a cack, this is pretty much exactly what I wanted to accomplish last year. So lets take stock of said accomplishments.


Things I would like to accomplish this year:

1. Stick to a healthy meal plan. (Didnt manage this last year, but hey I was pregnant!!!)

2. Drink more water (MMmmmm, well it started out well)

3. Establish better health routines such as exercise and skin care (Can you say routine darling - NO)

4. Spend more time doing "fun" things with Samuel (Daycare did)

5. Start FlyLady again (Once again, how do you spell routine)

6. Stick to budget, record all spending (and Budget needs to be added to the spelling bee list too)

7. Do something out of the ordinary nice for someone once a week (No comment)

8. Do something nice for me once a week (Even less than no comment)

9. Finish something/anything (I finished up being pregnant, does that count)

10. Realise that in order to accomplish anything I need to show some motivation and self-discipline (Ahhhhhhhh, yep maybe this one needs to be FIRST on the list instead)

The heat is on...

I didnt happen to mention it in my last entry but I thought it should be noted that today was the hottest February day in Perth in 8 years.

That would explain a lot...

What a night

Picture this, a hormonally charged woman, a poor hot toddler, a car on a jack and temperature at 6pm 40.5 degrees - that pretty much sums up my evening.

It begins with me getting to daycare. I get out of the car and notice that its sitting kinda strange. At first I think its only the angle I've parked at but then I notice its the back tyre. I'm so unbelievably lucky that I made it to day care without mangling the wheel completely. It definitely wasnt like that when I left work though. Anyway, trot inside and get Samuel and come outside and start getting myself organised. This is when we hit snag one.

Snag One - the wheels on my car have special wheel nuts. Said special wheel nuts are not in the car because they were taken out by DH when we last got the tyres done. Dont ask me why, when he gets home tomorrow I'll be doing that anyway. So I trot back inside to get a phone book to call a taxi to go home. Fortunately one of the mums offers to drive us home, lucky its only a few minutes drive. Find said wheel nuts. Decide that rather than catching a taxi I'd ride to day care. Actually turned out to be a rather nice idea. Then we come to snag two.

Now I'm not the sort of girl that stands on the side of the road waiting for some handsome stranger to help me out and I sure as hell aint worried about breaking a nail (I dont have any to begin with LOL). I can change a tyre with the best of them. Assuming of course that I can undo the wheel nuts...

Snag Two - In order to change a tyre you need to be able to undo the wheel nuts. Of course when the last tyre place you have sent them to does them up with a mechanical ratchet that is all but impossible. I thank my lucky stars and the good lord above that a very lovely couple were walking by and were able to help me out. The wheel nuts were on so tight that the guy was able to lift the car by the wheel nuts - not good!!!

Which brings us to snag three - he finally gets the tyre off and the spare on, which is of course getting pretty close to being flat as well. Thats ok I think, there is a service station just around the corner, no problems. Say good bye to said wonderful saviours, load bike into car (no mean feat in itself with a 2 door car) and head over to service station and of course the pump is out of order. I mean of course its out of order what was I thinking, it was going to be easy or something. Once again I thank my lucky stars that 3 minutes down the road is another service station and the pump was in working order there.

So I guess I just want to ask why do these things always happen to me when Paul is away working overseas. Why cant something happen just once while he is home so I dont have to go through all this by myself. Is it really asking too much. If I wasnt pregnant it would be at this point that I would drink myself into insensibility and write the whole day off completely.